How To Decorate Your Christmas Tree

  1. Set up your tree
  2. Install lights
  3. Install garland
  4. Install ornaments
  5. Enjoy
  6. Reach behind the tree to plug in the lights that your four year old unplugged
  7. Knock over tree
  8. *%#@(*$&%#@!!!!!!
  9. Clean up broken ornaments
  10. Put unbroken ornaments back in boxes
  11. Tell yourself, “Well, it could have been much worse.” Yeah, just keep telling yourself that. That’ll work.
  12. Take down old tree and put it on the curb. It was 15 years old anyway
  13. Buy a new tree
  14. Tell yourself, “Well, we were planning on getting a new one soon anyway.”
  15. Wait for UPS to deliver new tree
  16. Set up new tree
  17. Decide expensive new tree looks worse than 15 year old broken tree, call to have new tree returned
  18. Order new tree #2. Go really overboard this time and order a 10 footer
  19. Wait for UPS to deliver new tree #2
  20. Set up new tree #2. Marvel at how nice it looks
  21. Wait two days
  22. Install ornaments
  23. Take photos of new tree #2
  24. Write a snarky post on your blog titled, “How To Decorate Your Christmas Tree”
  25. Wish everyone a very Merry Christmas!

 

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